In Covenant or Co-dependent?

Covenant or Co-Dependent


A Covenant is a promise or a bond that must not be broken. Marriage is a covenant or at least it was designed to be. A covenant can be sacrificial, spiritual, or contractual, but in Biblical terms it is always supernatural. God made a covenant with Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, and with us through his son, Jesus Christ.

 “Moses was faithful as a servant in all God’s house,” bearing witness to what would be spoken by God in the future. But Christ is faithful as the Son over God’s house. And we are his house, if indeed we hold firmly to our confidence and the hope in which we glory. Hebrews 3:5-6

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28

Codependency is much different than a Covenant. I have been around ministry most of my life. I have grown attached to people, places, and personalities all to be shattered when I realized that the people I admired were, well, people. We all have issues in our closet, so we better make sure we point people towards Jesus Christ, not us. We must understand the difference between a covenant relationship and a soul-tie/co-dependent relationship. We all have genuine needs, but we often fulfill those needs in wrong ways.

Codependency can be defined as any relationship in which two people become so invested in each other that they can’t function independently anymore. Your mood, happiness, and identity are defined by the other person. In a codependent relationship, there is usually one person who is more passive and can’t make decisions for themselves, and a more dominant personality who gets some reward and satisfaction from controlling the other person and making decisions about how they will live.”  - Jonathan Becker Assistant Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Vanderbilt University.

I believe we must honor those whom God has placed in positions of authority over our lives. However, the "Spiritual Daughter" and "Spiritual Son" dynamic made popular in most charismatic churches is very dangerous and comes across a little bit goofy if you ask me. This concept comes from two very real needs in people's lives. Sin is nothing more than a real need being fulfilled in a wrong way.

Need #1

The first need is about the "Spiritual Father/Mother" or person in leadership. My guess is the leader wasn't much of a Father or Mother and needs to feel the authentic love from a protege. Maybe the Father was a good father and never has been honored properly by his natural children. You don't get a "do over" with your children. I wish we did, but we don't, so make sure you spend as much time with them as possible.

Need #2

The other real need comes from an individual who has what we call an "orphan spirit." This individual needs the authentic love from a parent or a mentor in their lives.  An orphan spirit is what comes in you when you don't know who you are in Christ or you have never felt affirmation, approval, or acceptance from a Father, Mother, Mentor, or Leader.

There is nothing wrong with having Godly mentors or protege's or even Spiritual parents if the relationship is governed by Biblical principles. What happens, though, if the person you consider a Spiritual Father or Mother has deep-rooted issues hidden away in their closet or personnel file that you knew nothing about? A person will go against every biblical standard and the spiritual wind of discernment to follow who they think will be the father/mother to them that they never had, but in reality they are making a covenant with a person who could genuinely hurt their walk with Christ and their destiny.  I've seen it happen many times in ministry. It happens everyday, but people never realize it until it is too late.

The enemy works in patterns and loves to repeat negative history. Most people follow the same patterns until God sets them free. If someone is having a meltdown now, you can bet they had one in the last state they lived in, church they attended, or organization they represented. Names change, but demonic manifestations don't. Until we deal with what is inside of us, we will continue to react the same when history repeats itself. I hope people like me, love me, and follow me occasionally, but my ultimate goal is for people to follow Jesus. Jesus is the only person with no skeletons in his closet who can fill the void in people's lives. He will never leave you or forsake you. His Love Never Fails. His Mercy endures forever. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He did it because he loves us!

How do you break this "Orphan Spirit" or get out of a bad relationship?

1) Embrace your New Family

Romans 8:15-16

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.

You have lost all rights to your past. Embrace Jesus Christ and your new family. In Jewish culture, adoption was final. There was no going back. Embrace the new things God has in store for you.

2) Embrace your New Daddy

God is our Father who art in Heaven. He is the father of the fatherless and protector of widows. He promises us he will not leave us. Let Him fill the void that is missing in your life. He loves you unconditionally and is proud of you.

1 John 3:1

Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!  Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.

3) Embrace your New Destiny

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Stop looking for acceptance from people. You will never get it! Your acceptance comes from God, not your offense, your movement, or your drama. It is not in man, but God. Attach yourself to Him!

Psalms 138:8

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

4) Embrace your New Attitude

The Holy Spirit will take the place of the "Orphan Spirit" that has controlled you. The Holy Spirit will comfort you, direct you, guide you, move you, and fight for you! He will take the place of the Father that wasn't there for you.

Mark 1:8

I indeed baptized you with water, but He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.

Christian people filled with the Holy Spirit aren't perfect, but are supposed to react and respond differently than the world. It is a struggle for me sometimes, but we must embrace the new Spirit (attitude) that Christ has given us.

Ephesians 4:30-32

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

We need Jesus in our lives! If you would like to begin your relationship with Christ, then pray this simple prayer with me;

Dear Lord Jesus,

Forgive me of my Sins,

Please come into my heart and save me,

Fill Me With your Holy Spirit and

Use me for your Glory. Amen.


He will answer you if you call His name. Please don't follow me or any other man. Follow Jesus Christ, His body, and His Word. 

Please pray for Ronnie Phillips Ministries International. We are preaching in many great churches over the course of the next 3-4 months (see itinerary for more details).

I would like to thank the 25-30 intercessors that pray for RPMI every month and for those who give seed to this ministry on a regular basis. Every little bit helps us advance the kingdom of God. Please consider partnering with RPMI. You can do that on our website.  Every person who has blessed this ministry has been blessed and for that I'm very grateful. Thank you for believing in us. We believe in you!


Ronnie Phillips, Jr.

2 Corinthians 5:17